After Effects
by centon4good
Summary: John is just getting back from Iraq but memories of the battle starts to invade his life. Can his lover of seven years help him cope with all the pain, guilt and loss that he gained from war? No Bata M in the furture.
1. Chapter 1: Home for good

John made his way through the airport along with his fellow solders. He was so glad to be home for good after almost two years at war. As he made his way to the loading area he spotted a familiar car and walked over to it. The door opened and a man stepped out. With his bags in his hands John walked over to him.

"How's it going solder?" The man said.

John dropped his bags. "Just good to be home and for good." He walked up to Randy and hugged him. "I missed you so much."

Randy hugged him back. "I missed you too." He pulled back "You got bigger Johnny."

John chuckled "Man it's good to be home."

"Well come on lets go home." Randy picked up John's bags and put them in the trunk. They got in the car and drove off.

As Randy neared their house john saw cars and people in the driveway. "Wow everyone is here."

Randy smiled and took John's hand. "Everyone wanted to welcome you home." He pulled the car into the driveway and looked over at John. "Are you ready for this?"

John sighed "Never been more ready in my life."

Together they got out of the car and greeted the crowd of people.

**Later that night**

John was in the bathroom washing his hands when the water turned red. He looked at his hands and they were covered in blood. Looking at his face he saw that it was covered in blood as well. He stepped back and knocked over a glass cup that was on the counter..

Randy heard and ran into the bathroom. "John what is it?"

John looked over at Randy then down at his hands to find that the blood was gone. "There was blood everywhere."

Randy looked around the room then back at John. "Come on." He took John's hand and led him out of the bathroom. John sat on the bed as Randy got up the glass. When he got back to John he saw his hands shaking. He sat next to him and took his hand. "Hey John you're okay."

John looked over at Randy and wrapped his arms around him. "I keep seeing things."

"Shhh" Randy said. "You're home now and with me. I got you Johnny and I'm never going to let you go."

"Come on Brady don't do this to me." John said holding his best friend in his arms. "I'm going to get you out of here."

Brady smiled "When you go home tell my wife I love her."

Over the shooting and screaming John could barely hear him. "You can tell her that when you see her."

"I love you man and let my little girl know I love her too." Brady said.

"Don't say that because I'm not going to let you die. Do you hear me?" Brady didn't respond. "Brady?" No answer. "Brady!"

John jumped up panting and sweating. He wiped his face and looked down to see Randy looking up at him. "Sorry I woke you up."

Randy sat up "Who's Brady?"

"What?" John said.

"You were calling out his name." Randy said "Was he with you in the army?"

John nodded "He was my best friend."

Randy looked down "What happened to him?"

John leant back against the headboard. "It was so loud, bodies and blood was everywhere. I was walking and he was behind me. Out of nowhere this guy jumped out and started shooting at us. My gun jammed and I guess he saw because he pushed me down. The last thing he said to me was he loved me and he wanted his daughter to know that he loved her too"

Randy sighed "John?"

"I was suppose to die that day not him." John said "It's all my fault."

"No it wasn't" Randy took John's hand.

"His daughter is three months old and she's never going to know her father." John looked down "I took him away from her."

"John you can't blame yourself for this." Randy said.

John got out of the bed. "You don't understand. Brady didn't deserve this."

"And you did!" Randy yelled.

John sighed "I'm going to get something to eat."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Randy said sitting up.

John shook his head. "No you have work tomorrow." He walked out of the room.

Randy laid back down against the headboard. What a great first day back this was, he thought."

**The next morning**

Randy woke up and reached out for John and sat up when he didn't feel him. "John?" He got up and went to the living room. John was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey?" He said walking up behind him.

John drunk a swig of his beer. "Everytime I close my eyes I see him die."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Randy asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

John got up and walked behind the couch. "I'm fine okay I don't need nor want to talk about it. Besides you have to go to work." He leant over and kissed Randy. "I promise you that I'm fine."

"Okay but call me if you need anything." Randy said.

"We'll do" John said sitting back down on the couch. "I have to see Brady's wife anyway."

Randy wrapped his arms around John's neck. "I love you."

John smiled "I love you too." He kissed Randy on the cheek. "Always"

John was getting dressed when he heard gunshots. He fell to the ground and looked around with panicked eyes. After a minute the room fell silent with the exception of John's breathing. He slowly got up and looked around. There was no sign of war life anywhere so he shook it off. Grabbing the keys to the other car he left.

John parked his car and made his way up to the yellow house. He knocked on the door and stepped back.

Brady's wife Angie opened the door. "Hey John I was wondering when you were going to come."

John smiled "Hey Angie." He walked into the house. "How's little Brittany doing?"

Angie smiled and shut the door. "She's good; she's actually out with my mom." She sighed "I have something for you." She walked off.

John followed her into the living room and sat on the couch. "So how are you doing?"

Angie came in with a box and sat it on the table. "I'm hanging in there but I miss him already."

John looked down "Yeah me too whenever I was upset he always knew how to make me feel better."

Angie smiled "Me too." She took the lid off the box. "They sent me a box of his stuff and while I was going through it I found this letter addressed to you." She took it out and gave it to John.

John took the letter from her. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Angie sighed "There is more stuff in here I thought you might want. I knew that he would be happy if he knew you had them."

John glimpsed into the box and saw pictures of him and Brady. He smiled and started to cry. "You know no matter how bad it got he was always there, always smiling."

Angie smiled and scooted closer to John. She pulled him into a hug. "It's okay John." She said. "I know that wherever Brady is he's watching over us. Just like he always does."

When John got home that day he set the box on the table and got two beers from the fridge. Going back over to the couch he sat down. He started at the letter in his hands and couldn't bring himself to open it. He put the letter back in the box and put it in the closet. He went back to the couch and turned on the TV. He sighed and raised his beer in the air. "This is for you Brady, I miss you man." He drank down half the bottle. "I just don't know what do here Brady and I wish you were here."


	2. Chapter 2: Mr Searing

When Randy got home that night he saw John asleep on the couch. Beer bottles were everywhere. He sighed and walked over to the table. One by one he picked up the bottles and threw them away. After throwing them all away he went back over to the couch and woke up John. "John hey wake up."

John stretched and sat up. "What time is it?"

Randy sat on the arm of the couch. "Almost 9:30." John rubbed his head and got up. He went to the fridge and good out another beer.

"Don't you think you had enough?" Randy said.

John sat the bottle on the coulter. "No I don't." He picked it back up and walked off.

Randy followed him "John please will you just talk to me."

"I don't want to talk!" John yelled. "Just leave me alone."

"But John I just want to help you." Randy said taking John's hand.

John snatched his hand away. "I don't want your help." He yelled knocking over the lamp.

Randy jumped back. "Well excuse me for caring about you." He turned to leave.

"Randy wait." John said looking down. "I just don't know what to do."

Randy turned to John "A friends of mine told about this place where retired solders go to talk. I called and set up a meeting with them tomorrow and I want you to go."

John sat down on the couch. "What if it doesn't help?"

Randy walked over and sat next to him. "Then we'll figure something else out. Can you at least give it a try?"

"Will you come with me?" John asked

"Only if you stop drinking." Randy said holding out his hand.

John looked down at the beer and gave it to Randy. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

Randy took John's hand. "You don't have to apologies for anything. I want you to know that I will always be here for you. If you want to talk or just be with me I'm here."

John looked over at Randy. "I love you so much.

Randy smiled and rested his forehead against John's. "I love you too." He pulled back "So what happened with Brady's wife?"

"She gave me some things that were Brady's. Like pictures and stuff but she also gave me this letter that Brady wrote to me. I can't bring myself to open it."

"You will." Randy said "Come on we should get some rest."

**OOO**

**The next day**

Randy and John sat in the car in front of the huge building.

"I don't think I can do this." John said looking over at Randy.

Randy took John's hand. "I'll be right here."

**OOO**

Randy and John walked through the building and up to the front desk. "Excuse me."

"May I help you?" The woman said.

"My name is Randy and this is John. I called and sat up a meeting with Mr. Searing."

She looked at her computer. "He will be with you in a moment so why don't you have a seat."

"Thank you." Randy said heading over to the seating area.

"I thought we talked in sessions with other people." John asked.

"We do but I wanted to meet with him first." Randy said.

**OOO**

"Hey guys my name is Ryan searing. So John how long have you been home?" He asked.

John sighed "About three days."

"And how has it been?" Mr. Searing asked.

"It's been tough. I've been having nightmares and seeing things. I lost my best friend and it's been eating me up inside." John took a deep breath. "I hear gun shots, hear people screaming and I see blood." He rubbed his face. "Brady has a three month old daughter and I feel so guilty that I got her father killed."

"John Brady's death wasn't your fault." Ryan said.

"You weren't there. I had the shot to take that guy out but my gun jammed. The first thing you do when you go out is make sure your gun works." John said "I screwed up and he paid the price."

"You're being too hard on yourself." Ryan said. "You think Brady would want this for you, to feel this way about his death?"

John wiped his face. I know he wouldn't but-"

"He was your best friend. I know how hard this must be for you." Ryan sat forward "A few Years ago I lost my little brother in the army. His death screwed me up bad. I started drinking and taking out my anger on my family. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom when I realized that I needed to chance."

"What happened?" John asked.

"I was drunk driving and got into an accident." Ryan pointed at a picture on his desk. "If it wasn't for my family I wouldn't be here right now."

John looked at the photo. "You have a beautiful family."

Ryan smiled "Thank you but John family is the most important thing and in times like this you need them now more than ever."

John looked over at Randy and took his hand. "Yeah he's always been there for me but I've been pushing him away."

Ryan nodded "Look why don't you come to our group session tomorrow night. There are a lot of people who will understand and help you through this. I know you feel like you're alone but you're not. I think you'll like it here and I promise you that it will help."

John nodded "Okay."

Ryan stood up. "Well it was nice to meet you both and I'm looking forward to see you again."

John stood up and shook his hand. "Me too."

Randy shook his hand. "Thank you for seeing us Mr. Searing."

"Anytime." Ryan said smiling.

**OOO**

**That night**

"I still don't think I can close my eyes without seeing him." John said.

Randy pulled John onto his chest. "Close your eyes and I won't let anything happen to you."

John wrapped his arms around Randy's waist. "I love you and I don't know what I would do without you."

Randy smiled and kissed John on the head "Good thing we don't ever have to find out and I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3: Talking isn't helping

**Two weeks later**

**Thursday night**

"Thank you for sharing." Mr. Searing said. He looked at John "Would you like to tell us how things are going for you?"

John sighed "I know you guys are trying to help but I still see him. I see my best friend die and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I still hear things and see things that aren't there. Talking about it isn't helping either. I've been doing this for two weeks now and it isn't helping."

"That's what I thought when I first started talking about it." Mr. Searing said. "But as time went on it got better."

John looked over at him. "How long did that take?"

Ryan smiled "Not long because I had my family and friends to help me through it. You have Randy and he's always going to be there for you. Even when you lash out or push him away he'll always be there for you."

John looked down "I know he will."

Mr. Searing sighed "Alright guys we can pick this up next Thursday."

The others got up but John stayed seated, looking down at his hands.

"John?" A voice said.

John looked up to see Randy staring down at him. "When did you get here?"

"Just now." Randy said "Are you ready to go?"

John got up and wrapped his arms around Randy's waist. "Talking to these people isn't helping me. I still hear and see things."

Randy hugged him back. "Everything is going to be okay. We'll find something that will help and I'll always be here."

John smiled "I know you will." He pulled back "Come on lets go."

**OOO**

John and Randy entered their home.

"So what am I suppose to do now?" John asked sitting on the couch.

"You can't give up now." Randy said going to the fridge and getting two bottles of water/ he went back over to the couch and sat down next to John. "Do you want to talk about it with me?"

John looked over at Randy. "You don't mind?"

"Don't be silly." Randy said.

John cleared his throat. "Okay well for starters I still can't sleep because Brody is still there. Brody was the one I turned to whenever I had a problem. He gave me advice and always looked out for me. When I got back to base after his death I wouldn't talk to anyone. Everyone knew we were like brothers so it was obvious that I was going to have it worse than them."

Randy looked down "So that's why they sent you home?"

John nodded "My head was messed up after that. I wasn't doing anyone any good so I got honorably discharged.

"Why don't you try to think about the good times you had, instead of his death."

John looked over at Randy. "You really think that will help?"

Randy nodded "I really do."

John smiled and looked back down. "I remember this one time when Brody was sleeping. Me and two other guys thought it would be funny to play a prank on him. So we got a bucket and filled it with ice cold water and dumped it on him." He chuckled "Someone else might have been upset but not Brady, he was always cool like that."

Randy smiled "I wish I would have been able to meet him."

"You would have loved him, everyone did." John sighed.

"Come on." Randy said getting up. "We should get some sleep."

"You go ahead and I'll be right there." John watched him go then got up. He went to the closet and pulled the letter out of the box. His hands were shaking as he tried to open it but he still couldn't. He put it back in the box and went to the bedroom. Randy was just getting into the shower when he came in. He went into the bathroom and got in behind him with his clothes still on.

Randy turned to him. "What are you doing?"

John just wrapped his arms around Randy's waist and held him tight. He buried his face in the crook of Randy's neck.

Randy stood there for a minute then wrapped his arms around John. "Everything is going to be okay. I'm going to find a way to help you, I promise."

**OOO**

**Half hour later**

Randy was lying in bed with John lying awake on his chest.

"You should get some sleep." John said looking up at Randy. "You have to work tomorrow."

Randy looked down at Randy. "I'm not going to leave you up John. Besides I'm not all that tired."

John sighed and looked back down. "SO you're just going to stay up all night or until I fall asleep."

Randy nodded "Yep, I can call in tomorrow and we can get out of the house. Just me and you, what do you think?"

John smiled "Sounds good to me."

**OOO**

**Two hours later**

Randy was still awake staring into space, John was now asleep. He slowly got out of the bed and went to the living room. After making himself something to eat he sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

John hearing the TV woke up. Reaching out for Randy he saw that he was gone. He got up and went to the living room. "Hey?"

Randy looked back at John. "Hey, sorry if I woke you."

John walked over and sat next to him. "Can't sleep?"

Randy sighed "I told you I wasn't tired."

John laid down and rested his head on Randy's lap. "I'm sorry if I'm stressing you out with my problems."

"It's not you." Randy said. "I'm just upset that there's nothing I can do to make it better for you."

"You being there is good enough to keep me from going over the edge." John sighed "Without you I probably would have just killed myself."

Randy looked down at him and grabbed his hand. "Please don't say stuff like that."

"But I'm not." John said. "I'm sorry said that." Randy nodded. "I love you."

Randy smiled "I love you too."

John closed his eyes and soon fell asleep and for the first time since he been back he didn't have any nightmares.

**A/N Next chapter will be up soon and the funeral is coming up. By then John is going to need Randy more that ever but first is their day out.**


	4. Chapter 4: Sandy

Randy woke up early the next morning. After showering and he went back to the bedroom and sat next to John. "Hey time to get up." He said gently shaking him.

John moaned and turned onto his back. "What time is it?" He asked yarning.

Randy looked at the clock. "Almost five-thirty."

"Why are you up so early?" John asked sitting up.

"I couldn't really sleep." Randy said. "I can't wait until our day out."

John sighed. "Yeah about that."

"What?" Randy said frowning.

"I was thinking that maybe we should just stay in." John said. "I really don't feel like going out today."

"But we already made plains John." Randy said.

"I know and I'm sorry but I just don't feel like going out." John said.

Randy sighed. "Alright then I'll go change." He said getting up and walking off.

"Randy?" John said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Randy said leaving the room.

"Randy?" John called after him.

**Half hour later**

John started to worry when Randy didn't return. Getting up he headed to the living room. Randy was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey?" He said going over and sitting next to him. "Randy?"

"Whats wrong with you." Randy asked still watching the TV.

John sighed. "It's not you Randy."

"Then what is it?" Randy asked looking over at John.

"I want to go out with you I just-" John sighed. "I freaked out and I'm sorry."

"Johnny you home now." Randy said. "I'm here with you and I won't let anything happen to you."

John nodded. "Okay I will go get dressed and then we can go." He said getting up and heading back to the bedroom.

Randy pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. "You might as well not ask because I'm not telling you where were going. It's a surprise."

John smiled. "Are you serious?" He said looking out the window. Thirty minutes later he smiled when Randy pulled into a driveway. "Really?"

John cut off the car and followed him inside the store.

"Pick anything you like." Randy said to John.

John looked around at all the different animals in the room. Cats, dogs, birds, fish and lots more. "You know ever since I was a kid I've wanted a dog."

"Well now you can have one for yourself." Randy said.

John walked over to where the golden retrievers were and picked up one of them. "Hey there, you're coming hone with us."

**Back in the car.**

"I can't believe you brought me a puppy." John said. She was sitting in his lap wagging her tail.

Randy smiled. "Well I figured because I have to work you might like some company."

John nodded. "It's not always going to be like this. Once I get my head sorted out everything will go back to normal."

They spent the rest of the day getting their new house guest the things she needed.

Later that night they were driving home. "So did you think of a name for her yet?"

John shook his head. "No I haven't thought of anything yet but maybe we can think of something when we get her home."

Randy was making dinner while John was in the living room playing with the puppy.

"Hey I think I found the perfect name for her." John said holding her up in the air. Sandy because her fur looks like sand."

"Sandy?" Randy said. "I like it."

John sat her down and walked over to Randy. "Hey thanks for doing this for me. It felt good to get out of the house for the day." He pulled Randy into a kiss. "I love you so much."

"Love you too." Randy said.

John went back over to the couch and sat down, picking up Sandy as he did. The phone rang and he reached over and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey John its Angie." She said.

John's smile faded. "Oh hey whats going on?"

"Well they finally shipped Brady's body home and his funeral is going to be on Saturday. Will you be able to make it?"

John looked at Randy. "Oh yeah well be able to make it there."

"Great." Randy said. "I guess I will see you Saturday."

John looked down. "Bye." He hung up the phone and sat it on the table.

"Whats wrong?" Randy said turning the stove on low and going over to him. He picked up Sandy and looked over at John. "Johnny?"

John sighed. "That was Angie, there is going to be a funeral for Brady this Saturday and she wanted us to go."

"Are you okay?" Randy asked. "Maybe you shouldn't-"

"No I want to go." John said reaching over and petting Sandy. "I think it will be good for me to go. It won't be easy but I can do it."

"Okay then." Randy said. "But if you need anything-"

"I know that I can always come to you." John said. Randy went back to the kitchen while John stayed in the living room with Sandy. He couldn't stop thinking about Brady or the letter that he wrote, which he still didn't read.

**A/N Thanks for reading and please review. The next chapter will be up soon.**


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